The Perfectionism Trap

Life coaching for perfectionists.

What is your definition of perfectionism?

Perfectionism is a combination of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that all are rooted in an internal, anxious sense of not. being. (never being?) good. enough.

Because I’m a licensed clinical social worker with over a decade of experience, my background is rooted in the psychological approach.

(**our standard asterisk: coaching is NOT therapy/psychology! Sometimes perfectionists have significant anxiety that would really benefit from mental health therapy. When I work as a coach, I assume you have baseline pretty good mental health, and that you’re seeking out therapy separate from coaching if you need it.**)

I love coaching perfectionists. Perfectionists really want to do well, make great achievements, and are super success oriented. Perfectionists are my kind of people! But sometimes perfectionism gets in the way in terms of:

THOUGHT CONTENT

You notice a lot of thoughts about not being good enough, not deserving your success because you could have done more, or that others are judging you and finding you unworthy.

EMOTIONS

Your perfectionism leads to a lot of stress and gets tied up to your anxiety. The more anxious your are, the more your perfectionism comes up.

BEHAVIORS

You people please, exhibit pressured speech, or a real classic one of unhelpful perfectionism, you don’t turn in assignments, submit your resume to jobs/internships, or send emails because it’s not good enough and you become a little paralyzed.

Why is perfectionism semi-good and semi-bad?

In some ways, perfectionism can be helpful because it can really drive you. You want to do well, and this internal pressure motivates you to work hard, make the edits you need to, and strive. I love that for you!

The problem comes up with perfectionism becomes a little overwhelming. You want to do well to the point of not turning in your homework. Your internal pressure is no longer motivating, it’s almost debilitating. You over-edit until you’re left with nothing. You submit 20 resumes but then you realize you made a spelling mistake, and you don’t send any more for a month because GOD, YOU’RE SUCH A FUCK UP.

The perfectionism trap:

Here’s how I defend the perfectionism trap. You have perfectionism, and you want to do well, but the perfectionism is unhelpful. It’s morphed from just a motivator to an issue of negative self-talk, while at the same time telling you that if you don’t shame yourself, you’re never going to be good enough.

Basically, you have perfectionism, you work yourself hard, you tell yourself you’re not good enough, and then your perfectionism grows. You don’t submit stuff. You tell yourself you’re a failure. You’re trapped.

So how do we break this cycle? We build up problem solving skills, we change your mindset, and we find ways to balance your drive to succeed and your self-love. What’s a good enough version of this paper that you can submit? What’s an okay enough version of this work assignment? What compassionate thing can you say to yourself when you make a mistake instead of berating yourself as a complete and utter failure?

Perfectionism can be helpful to a point.

But we can’t let it take over all the time.

Are you stuck in the perfectionism trap? Life coaching can help! Kelsey Torgerson Dunn provides life coaching and mindset help for anxious, angry, overwhelmed perfectionists. Learn more and reach out here.